President Lincoln

150 years ago, President Lincoln found it necessary to hire a private investigator - Alan Pinkerton for protection. That was the beginning of the Secret Service.

Since that time, the federal government has produced a large number of multi-letter agencies such as : FBI, CIA, INS, IRS, DEA, BATF, etc., etc.

Now we have the 'Federal Air Transportation Airport Security Service'. Can't you see them now, these 'highly trained' men and women in their black outfits with jackets saying across their backs: F. A. T. A. S. S.

The FATASS's are of course supervised by a spec ial section of the Home Land Security Section known as: Airport Security Service Home Office Logistics Enhancement Section or the A.S.S.H.O.L . E.S.

I feel safer already